Storn Petterson – My story..
My name is Storn Petterson and at this point, I wish to give you, the Public, a run down as brief as I can, so you can understand why I’ve put together and are still continuing to put together this Suicide Campaign, to help people first hand, face to face on the street and my aim is to break the Stigma that has been associated with suicide and depression for many decades.
I’ve had depression all my life and did not know, I’m now 61 yrs old and officially got diagnosed one year ago and have accepted what is wrong and have moved upwards to fight this illness! This has been the fight of my life as the next downward stage was suicide which I dropped into total blackness, I felt like a rat scuttling around in a sewer for 6 months; totally alone – panicking, hurting, lost, frightened, not knowing at this stage what was wrong, suicide consumed me! The most overwhelming feeling I’ve ever experienced.
One night, I had my Commodore SS V8 cranked up and aimed at a large Jarrah tree. A lady who came into my life for short time, was on the phone, hysterical as she knew what I was doing. She said some words which touched my heart, I pulled up, slumped over the steering wheel and cried for 10 minutes.
I was a completely broken man and this is why… As a child, mentally and emotionally abused – Cruel things, insensitive things were done to me. I have had depression since 5 yrs old, I lived in fear and anxiety – had my spirit broken and stuttered badly. I failed at school. In my teenage years drank, and at age 32yrs I was an alcoholic and had 6mths to live. (I then joined AA). I lost my first wife, 2 kids, house, small business and ended up living in my Panel Van.
It took 5yrs to get some sanity back.I remarried to my 2nd wife. I lived in AA and ran an AA meeting for 9 years. I was running from me! I hid in work, I hid in helping people – I was paddling up stream with depression and didn’t know it!
My depression got worse as I pushed away my wife and kids. Only one that loved me was my daughters dog. I renovated a house over 23 years, I was always on the move and couldn’t sit still. My wife came home one day and said she had MS (multiple sclerosis). I was so negative and then she threw me out of her life.
I’ve lost a 2nd family, the home, my Dads Inheritance & my superannuation. My knees are bone on bone and I cant do physical work anymore. I’ve worked all my life and lost everything because of depression. I’m on medication and seeing a clinical psychologist and attend GROW meetings. I’ve got an AA meeting going and are slowly coming out of it.
My spiritual awareness, a belief in God, Help from LifeLine has helped me to climb back up into the light.My life is about helping people, nothing else matters, rebuilding a new life with deep compassionate caring and loving values.
Suicide is not chosen, it happens when Pain exceeds resources! Pain is the fertilizer of spiritual growth, my pain has been turned into this Anti-Suicide Campaign to reach our Men who are suffering in silence. I cant comprehend the ramifications of that on the family’s of these lost loved ones.May a Power Greater Than You, If You Believe It Or Not, Hold You Gently In the Palm Of His Hand!!